So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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