Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
