Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
