apparently the secret to your success is patron
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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