I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
