I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
