I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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