I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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