i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
