community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
