I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
