Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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