Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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