I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
