Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
