I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
