i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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