You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
