is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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