I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
