Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
