he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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