Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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