I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
