I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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