3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
