Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
