in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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