At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
