Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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