I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
