let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
