Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
