is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
