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I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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