Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And then he peed in my hair
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