I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
