i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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