I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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