i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
