I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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