On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
