I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
