Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
