Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
