i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
