I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
