Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
