Well douche your snatch and let's go!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
