If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
