i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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