Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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