A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
