Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
