Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
