dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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