He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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