i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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