I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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