someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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