Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
