I heard we made out
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
