My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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