Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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