38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
