she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
