I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
