i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
