Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
