You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
