i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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