butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
