take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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