Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
