just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
