She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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